About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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