I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
