I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
