Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
