kristin has been a bad kristin
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
