We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
