if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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