Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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