I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just want to make out with him forever
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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