I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
