i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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