I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
