Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
