Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
