There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
