Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
You can't special order awesome
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
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