So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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