My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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