dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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