wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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