So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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