just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
