yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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