I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
bring money and cleavage
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
