i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
