HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
