yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
