hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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