We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
