Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
