Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
