i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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