i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
