I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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