i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I wish I could teleport
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
