And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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