I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
