oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
