he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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