Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
