There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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