dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
