I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
