Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just forgot I was standing up.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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