i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
