Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
