Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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