I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
