I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
