Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
