U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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