I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
