my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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