My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
